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Working With Parents of Bullies and Victims

Working With Parents of Bullies and Victims

January 2008 | 152 pages | Corwin
Disciplinary action is one of the most common reasons for bringing parents into schools, immediately putting both parents and school staff (counselors, administrators, and teachers) on the defensive. This short book is intended to help educators move toward effective and necessary collaboration by expanding their skills in talking with parents about the thorny subject of bullying. In direct, realistic language, Working With Parents of Bullies and Victims explores the concerns and frustrations of both parties. In addition, the author offers practical strategies to help educators initiate and carry through conversations and interventions with all types of parents, from persistent to resistant and anywhere in between. Readers will find numerous sample dialogues, as well as vignettes written by parents of bullies and victims.
About the Author
1. Every Parent's Nightmare--and Yours, Too!
Who Will Benefit From This Book?  
The High Cost of Ignoring the Problem  
How Educators Have Overlooked Parents as Partners  
How to Use This Book With Parents  
2. What Bullying and Teasing Do to Everyone--Kids, Adults, and Communities
Death Comes to Lake Wobegon  
When Intervention Stops Tragedy  
The Pain That Resonates to the Bone  
How Everyone Loses When Bullying Occurs  
3. Why Parents Complain About Schools' Responses to Bullying
Parents' Attitudes Toward Public Schools: The Statistics  
About Those "They Didn't Do Anything" Claims  
Documenting the Facts on Interventions  
4. How to Talk to Parents Whose Children Are Bullied
Parents of Bullied Children: The Two Camps  
Working With the Actively Involved Parent  
Working With the Less Actively Involved Parent  
The ?Inverted Curve? and Tension Cycle  
5. How to Work With Parents Whose Children Bully Others
Some Things to Keep in Mind About the Families of Aggressive Children  
Television?s Impact on Children and Bullying  
KISSing a Plan Increases the Chances of Success for Everyone  
6. The Parent Who Refuses to Cooperate
Subverting the Dominant Paradigm  
Conflict Resolution With Parents Who Refuse to Cooperate  
Eleven Global Approaches Toward Conflict Resolution  
7. Types of Difficult Parents
The Parent Bully  
The Silent Treatment  
The Staller  
The Negative  
The Complainer  
What About Mediation and Negotiation?  
8. Helping Parents Talk at Home With Their Children About Misbehaviors
Helping Parents Understand Punishment, Accountability, and Restitution  
Restorative Justice  
Helping Parents Help Their Child to Think About Righting a Wrong  
What Happens After That First Step?  
9. Seven Talking Points for Helping Parents Talk to Children About Being Bullied
Talking Point 1: Help Parents Understand the Importance of Listening to Their Child?s Concerns About Bullying and Teasing  
Talking Point 2: Asking the Right Questions Will Likely Increase Parent-Child Communication  
Talking Point 3: Parents Want to Obtain as Many Details as Possible in an Understanding Fashion  
Talking Point 4: Parents Need to Assure Their Children That They Will Work With Them to Find a Solution to the Problem  
Talking Point 5: Parents Should Ask the Child?s Opinions and Concerns About Discussing the Situation With School Personnel  
Talking Point 6: Encourage the Child Not to Respond to Provocation With Violence  
Talking Point 7: Parents Should Encourage Their Child to Ask Those in the Supervisory Capacity for Assistance  
10. Fair Expectations of Parents and Educators in Solving the Problem of Bullying
Fair Expectation 1: Not All Bullying Behaviors Can Be Stopped or Prevented  
Fair Expectation 2: Once Bullying Has Been Reported, the Parent Has the Right to Expect the Supervisory Authority to Investigate the Concern  
Fair Expectation 3: Parents Expect the Supervisory Authority to Investigate the Concern  
Fair Expectation 4: Appropriate Intervention Will Take Place If the Concerns Are Validated  
Fair Expectation 5: The Supervisory Authority Will Communicate With Parents as to the Outcome of the Intervention  
Fair Expectation 6: Never Forget Fair Expectation 1?Not All Bullying Behaviors Can Be Stopped or Prevented  
11. The Courage to Act

"This book is a no-nonsense approach to working collaboratively with parents, students, and administrators to stop bullying situations and prevent bullying in the future. It provides practical, easy-to-use techniques and strategies that can be adapted for different situations. A must-have for educators who want to instill changes."

Leigh Cassidy, High School Counselor
Eleanor Roosevelt High School, Greenbelt, MD

"This book provides practical and useful strategies for educators to engage parents as partners in the difficult but important task of addressing bullying, both as it occurs and in a proactive and preventive manner."

Sandi Stein, School Social Worker
Edina Public Schools, MN

"This is an informative, practical, and thought-provoking book on an important subject neglected by both researchers and writers. It is full of down-to-earth, commonsense advice that educators will find very helpful in addressing a difficult and complex issue. I will share it with my colleagues."

Rob Osborn, Anti-Bullying Strategy Manager
Leicestershire Children and Young People's Service and Anti-Bullying Alliance

"Perfect for college-level libraries appealing to educators and for working professionals in the field. The lessons are for administrator and teachers alike and use case study examples to reinforce real-world solutions."

The Bookwatch, March 2008
Midwest Book Review

"The book's accessible style is relatively free of jargon, and provides numerous case studies to assist teachers and counselors in conducting productive conversations with parents."

CHOICE Magazine, June 2008, Vol. 45(10)
American Library Association

Sample Materials & Chapters

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